Skepticism

Uh hu.. Holding strong.. Held back.. Holding strong.. held back..

Its like learning to drive for the first time; changing the gear, moving forward, reversing.. of which, brings headache and confusions.. Ehe.. that's what happening to me when it comes to relationship.. At times, I felt very confidence and assure that the relationship gonna work out well.. But during the bad days, I felt the other way round.. I have no confidence in being a good partner a.k.a lover.. I'm not pretty.. I'm not good at cooking.. I'm not good when it comes to socializing/meeting other people-friends/family of bf esp.. Ehe.. I'm too scared that I might say something inappropriate/unnecessary.. Perhaps in the past, I always see boring-ness in the faces of people I talk with.. That's truly reflects how uninteresting I am when I'm mixing around.. Ehe.. That's why, I preferred to zip my mouth when I'm around with friends/people.. I don't wanna hurt anybody's feeling.. I enjoy laughing out loud when people cracks joke.. I dun like being in a group who loves saying bad things of others though.. so, this made me skeptic when it comes to having relationship.. say it love; friendship; networking at workplace; with lecturers; with fellow classmates and colleague.. I'm too scared too hurt others.. I don't want the banana fruits two time.. (hahahahhaa)

I know.. when, I zipped my mouth too long, it became 'heavier'.. so, don't be surprised if you see me as a 'lazy' talker.. I'm not being arrogance/ignorant.. It just that, I've been 'away' too long in conversing well.. I also admit that, at times, I did feel awkward when I'm hanging around with my close friends.. I don't know what to say or to share.. Lame rite? Ehe..

And why must I felt sceptic on any of these relationships? Because I'm scared of commitment and afraid of hurting and being hurt by others..
As such, I would like to apologize to any souls that ever felt uneasy/angry towards my attitude.. I am like dat (unfortunately).. Cold as an ice, hard as a rock.. but when I laugh, the dinosours might run away! hahaha..