Mad at self

I am truly mad with myself.. I don't know how to make decision; although the thing that I should decide is the smallest/simplest thing.. e.g. What to eat? Where to go for date? What to watch?  Not to mention the bigger issue.. I felt pathetic and extra sad with my 'poor' value here.. I always put myself last from others; friends, family, bf, bosses, of which, lead to self-frustration and 'suicide'.. I believe that it is not sacrifices I'm dealing with, but, own 'stupidness'.. I can always fight for my own right, own happiness, own interest, but I just can't and at times, I withdraw myself for 'fighting for justice'.. Call me idiot, mule or whatsoever, but I've been living under this skin for years..

*I'm so sad

Another thing is, I am a shy person. I don't have the ability to mingle around with people easily-chit chat some more? A big NO NO.. Some might see I'm  a 'proud' person and perhaps 'sombong', but the truth is, I'm shaking on my knees! It stop me from talking and I felt really awkard! You can see my gesture when I'm 'kejong'.. The situation will be different if I knew the person well, I will of course, might 'loose my mind' for a while.. So, BIG APOLOGY to those who ever met me in a 'stiff-cold' me... ehe..

Well, I'd cried a river, but it doesn't heal me and made me someone new. How I wish that I'm involved in an accident, have a memory lost, and 'restart' anew and be a different me! (lame!) Hehehe.. If Coach A read this, he will sure "ketuk" my forehead lah.. hahah.. sorry dear, sometimes, I have the tendency to imagine 'things' that I shouldn't think of.. hahah..

*Urmm.. where to pin that needle?